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To me, love is something pure and real. It is the connection between two person that is out of the ordinary. It’s only between them two and no one else.
I know that when I’m in a relationship, I go all out. I don’t know how to love a little lesser so that things won’t hurt as much if the love wasn’t meant to be. I love so much that it overpowers me. I am overprotective over the person that I love. I cannot afford to lose him. Whoever that I find is a threat to my relationship, I fear. I always have that fear of losing someone that I love.
I get jealous way too easily. I overthink like nobody’s business. I am overly attached. I sacrifice many things just for the one I love. I doubt a lot about sincerity. All of my weaknesses makes me vulnerable to losing that person that I truly love.
It hurts so much to know when he says that if one day he ever leaves me behind, it will be because of my weaknesses. That adds on to my fears. I don’t want to be how I am right now. Insecure and doubting all the time. I know it brings no good to the relationship but I seriously can’t help it. I want to be someone who is open and free. Thinks of things in a positive way instead of negative like me. I want to be the kind of person that he will love.
Somehow, it just doesn’t work out for me very well.
If one day, if he really does leave, I don’t know if I can deal with love anymore. I’ve been hurt once, the second time won’t be any easier.
I’m sorry for not being who you want me to be.
